On the Importance of (Realistically) Knowing Your Own Worth

At what point did humility become not knowing your own worth?

This goes beyond not being able to take a compliment. Self-deprecation is all fun and well – I’m particulary good at it according to my friends. But there’s always a hint of challenge bordering on sarcasm that makes it work, I think. I’m not talking about humility either – a fair dose of humility is always a good idea. There’s always someone right around the corner waiting to kick your kettle up over your teapot, cupcake. I keep that firmly in mind.

What I am talking about is that you know you are worthwhile as a person just the way you are. No one ever has the right to judge you, even if they have walked a mile in your shoe, or been there done that, or any of the other countless silly amorphisms that exist to justify negative people criticizing you. No, you haven’t. Everyone lives a unique life. Sure, there are patterns to the weave, but no one sees it all. It’s not only impossible but the height of arrogant pride to think that someone can judge who you are.

Look, we’re not talking about courts and the law. You kill someone, you’re going to jail yeah. Don’t kill anyone. What we are talking about is the cess of negativity that some of us live with and keep around. Similar to my prior post on People who are Anchors, don’t stand for judgement when it does happen. Set limits. Enforce them. You deserve and are worth better.

Mr Rogers

Mr Rogers

In no way do I suggest not seeking out advice or council. Reach out to your friends, a therapist – ask for help by all means. But realize that help means a patient ear, hearing some uncomfortable truths and a heaping helpful hand extended in love, not a finger pointing in judgement. Never stand for that.

And don’t judge – you’ve never and will never earn that right.

If that’s not the truest definition of love, I don’t know what is.


6 thoughts on “On the Importance of (Realistically) Knowing Your Own Worth

  1. Erin says:

    Sam – agreed, loving someone is accepting them completely for who they are. And sometimes, when it gets really crazy, loving someone is growing and challenging oneself because that other person makes you want to be better. But, along the way, how do you draw the line between judgment and something as simple as a candid discussion of wants and needs? Should people keep quiet and never communicate if they are not getting something he/she feels they need in a relationship for the fear of being judgmental? Should they simply walk away?

  2. Siobhan says:

    You are who you are and no one should ever try to change that. Being, uniquely you, is what makes you, well you. Like you said today, if someone doesn’t love you for you, then maybe they don’t really love you. Truly loving someone is loving them for who they are, perfections, flaws… and everything in between. And by the way Sam, I like you for you 🙂

  3. Chad Peterson says:

    One of my greatest heroes is Mother Teresa and she said it very simply,

    “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

  4. Sam Adams says:

    At the risk of oversimplifying things, there’s: “I need x. When I don’t get x, I feel y.” versus “You’re not doing X. So I feel Y.” You should absolutely always communicate YOUR needs, it’s up to the other party to deliver on them – or not. At which point, you have a decision to make. Try N to N+1 more times or walk away.

    Phrasing things is HARD to do in a non-judgemental manner. But it’s a necessary thing, regardless of how long a relationship has lasted.

    Little wonder, the best advice is to walk away when emotions are up. No good words ever come out in those circumstances.

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